more navigating of emotion

heavenly spectrum of emotions, when reflecting recently, it resembles darkness again

even now

this identity isnt working, need a change perhaps hm?

i wanna hate everyone here so bad, but ive made my emotions so malleable and bendable, i dont hate much

i dont care much

i dont un-care for long

the idea that birthed this identity was seeing adults around me so set in their ways and not willing to see reason most times

so everyday, the thoughts in my head were ‘hate rigidity’ and ‘love flexiblilty/change’

many do not have this thoughts, so it feels weird swimming in an ocean of laws where my being is the only dynamic thing?

these thoughts been further reinforced when i entered university, people so generic and predictable i call them stupid and dumb

you enter their circle and its very few things that are being discussed, either girls,football, or beating someone up, i listen in disgust and anger(brought about the reliazation that im in this bastard school cause i chose it), while also careful to not make those emotions evident on my face

very rarely do i meet good people with the potential i look for or, the inclination of being dynamic or, just being unique

so when i do, i shamelessly hold on to them tight as my thoughts are not of the present, but in the future where we have reached the high places.