hate?

Having a goal in mind but no plan to reach it is one of the most sickening things that can happen, perhaps its because i am something i do not know, i see far too many shiny objects, they. blind me and confuse me

so many options and endpoints, it kills me to choose.

im here, still wondering for years, others in a moment of enlightenment find a plan, they push through they know what to do next

but here i am, insulting myself because i fo not know what to do next, knowibg so much time is passing and it kills me the more when im helpless im in situations my ideal self would have thrived in

plunging myself deeper and deeper into hate for my being while jot doing anything bout it

only a influx keeps me afloat, only for a short while before i realize i havent beaten another milestone and i hurt deeply

i feel my thoughts corrupting already, i am no longer in the same state i was with my previous write up,

i need to stop this.